Needs

People seldom talk about art when they talk about needs.  I rarely share my thoughts in this manner here.  But I feel that art is a need and that need is universal across all cultures.  My need is to write something, anything, tonight.  For me art can be healing.  I have seen it change me from miserable to excited in a matter of hours and no drug can do that.  Art is also a way of looking for things.  I have been through a lot in a short period of time and my brain said “that’s enough” and my feelings faded to near oblivion.  I went into “I’m okay” mode on Tuesday pretty fully.  The problem with this protection from negative feelings is all my feelings hide, not just the hard ones.  And I see myself act on feelings I’m not actually feeling.  Some of my writing is looking for feelings that I know are there but I just can’t find.  Sometimes I write to tell a story or convey a feeling I know.  This is why I write.  And it’s been too long and I can’t figure out what to write but I am driven to write.  Tonight I am looking for my feelings, which have been hiding from me since Tuesday evening.  I’ve been through too much and don’t have the energy to be poetic to tell a story, and it’s been too long since I’ve written anything.  So I’m just sharing my thoughts because I can’t write nothing.  Sometimes I know what I’m looking for and sometimes I don’t.  But whatever I write, something is found and I want to share what I find, so I share what I write.  Sometimes I only find it after I write.  I didn’t know what to write tonight, so I’m writing this because I have to start somewhere.  Art can take many forms.  Medicine is art.  Engineering is art.  Music, photography, painting, and writing are art.  I am driven to write tonight.  Sometimes the answers are found later. I am looking for my feelings, anything to jumpstart my brain into processing them again.  They are there.  I just can’t find them.  I have been through too much too fast and it’s a reflex.  But it is time to go find those feelings instead of just watching myself acting on something I’m not actually feeling.  I need to write more.  Damien has been stuck up in that tree for too long.  Maybe just writing my thoughts will get me started again  either with what Damien does next or poetry that surprises even me with its depth.  So for tonight, it’s just my thoughts.  Hopefully something more interesting next time.

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5 responses to “Needs

  1. I feel the same way sometimes, moments when you want to come to terms with your subconscious but it just wouldn’t want to. I guess you’re not a writer if you don’t have such “need.” Congrats to us we are!

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