Invisible Son

Lately my writing
Has been an exercise
In putting words on a page
I can’t believe how quickly
Everything can change
I want to get back to me
Not the stranger I see
Staring from the mirror
With the vacant eyes

Something just isn’t there
If you could see that stare
Every time you look ahead
You’d be haunted too
Like the piano man said
It’s something I’d never lose
It’s something somebody stole
I don’t know the word for that
I don’t know if it will ever come back

Every night I search my shattered soul
For any sign of the younger me
For any scraps of a hungrier me
That hyper kid with too much energy
That place I found my poetry
So gritty and real and insane and edgy
The part of me that made this all look so easy
Now I struggle just to spit out some words
Damn that really hurts

It’s pointless to ask why
Anything happens in this life
So instead I wonder how I found out
How much it hurts when you land
In a hole that’s twenty years deep
I know my way from here at least
I size up the steep sides I’ll climb up
And as I look up toward the blue sky
I search for any good card in my hand

I didn’t ask
To be invisible
I didn’t try
To be invincible
How did I become so lost
And finally know where to go
Others claim to see the real me
But the only thing they see
Is what they want me to be

The ones who understand
Don’t use help as a guise
To disguise criticism when my
Life didn’t turn out how they planned
They just lend a helping hand
With no strings attached just rope
Enough to hang myself confident I won’t
Enough to let me pull my own weight
My own way up out of this quicksand

Others might wonder why
Someone so bright can write
So much that’s so dark for so long
This is just one piece of me
Some people get sucked in so easily
Staring at the blackness deep within
Too busy fixing what isn’t broke
To see the real me starting to shine
Through the cracks in my fractured soul

This isn’t even what I sat down to write
I had more of an anthem thing in mind
But this invisible cloak is smothering me
I don’t know if I’ll ever be whole again
I do know I’ll get out of this hole again
I know there’s darkness on the way out
There was plenty of it on the way down
The best way out of the darkness is through
Take my hand if you want you can come too

Keep preaching about how the future is bright
Keep in mind there can’t be day without night
These words I wrote they aren’t quite right
Inaccurate and imprecise is not quite me
But they’re real and raw and close enough
Someone somewhere may figure out what they mean
And in them I see faint reflections of who I want to be
So these words I found will have to do for tonight
How am I supposed to get it right if I don’t write

Can you feel the thing inside me just building and growing
Labeled a monster by experts with no way of knowing
My beast has a soft underbelly only the blind seem to see
Past the fear of illusions appearing on the verge of exploding
Seems nobody cares to hear the desperate screams
Of an invisible person who only wants to be seen
Stay focused on the ugly and you won’t get close to me
Bask in my warmth and I don’t care if you can’t see me


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