Lid Flip 2

Why do I have so much hate in me
Why am I not just grateful to be
Alive after I survive every
Fucking thing that’s thrown at me
When everything just blows
Up in my face it’s still not enough
When life has me ready to explode
And I’m finally ready to open up
About the thing still tormenting me
Chipping away endlessly, relentlessly
Eating away at what’s left of my soul
Something horrible and terrible I know
I’ll never get over but how do I do it
How am I supposed to get through it
If I can’t talk about it
If I can’t scream about it
If I can’t shout about it
I can’t write about it
If I can’t share my story with the world
So how am I supposed to find
My way out of it on my own
Alone stuck inside my own mind
Nowhere to go so I just wander aimlessly
Buried in the shadows of who I used to be
What happened to happy-go-lucky me
I don’t even care about winning
I just want life to stop fucking me
And just let me go home or let me play
I don’t know I just don’t know anything
Maybe I just have to flip my lid
To put my head on straight again

Vocabulary Building

  

Cholecystitis
I wish I still had no clue
What it really means

A “four-letter” word
That gets its own line in my
Dumb little haiku

My Bitmoji knows
Not to call this beast by name
Lest she summon it

It is a demon
Inhabiting completely
Truly possessing

The only cure is
Exorcism with a knife
Or slow painful death

How I wish I spoke
Of these things in the abstract
I’m not so lucky

I learned a new word
A big word, but all I want
To say is: “fuck me”

  

Indestructible (June’s Post)

Indestructible

Life, the terminal disease
Life, a universal thing
Death, life’s one guarantee
Our spirits live on after we’re gone
Through the marks that we leave
Through the impressions we make
Through our successes
And of course, through our mistakes

We don’t have to be great
We just have to be
And so often can’t see
The difference we make
In the lives that we touch
That it matters so much
When we simply show up
So often we’re blind
To what we leave behind
Our gift is our presence
Pieces of us, in essence
Through others we can be
More than just a memory

Some spirits quickly fade away
While others are here to stay
It’s about what we give, not what we take
Some live on through what we create
What we leave when we leave may not be seen
It’s the invisible, not the physical
It’s the spiritual behind the material

I’m finding the real me
Eating at this table called life
For those who are here too
And haven’t been excused
Show me some things
Who are you
And what do you bring?